Broadband finally…

Yuppie… i got a broadband finally.

When i was a kid, i had this phone line on which i had a modem. I had to dial a particular no and then wait as the web pages loaded. Downloading songs and videos were a huge pain. I had to queue up the downloads and let my pc run overnight to download a few songs (a few mbs). So, when i grew up, i had this thought that i should be getting my own broadband connection and do tons and tons of downloads and uploads – maybe put my own server with a dedicated ip address & dns entry and run maybe some web services on it.

After some research/enquiry i came to know that out of all the broadbands, airtel was supposed to be the best. So i called up an airtel salu and asked him to put my broadband in place. He came, took some documents and promised that i would get my connection the next day. Next day – nothing happened. The day after next, i called him up and he told me that today the task would be done. The same day some wiring people came and wired up my whole place for phone and internet. The appartment that i am in, might be having some pre-arranged setup with airtel, cause all the internal wiring was done. All they had to do was put in connectors and connect them to the internal wires which was already in place.

So, all my rooms [3 bedrooms + 1 drawing room] now have 2 extra connectors – for phone and internet. And there are no extra wires to be seen. I did not opt for wifi – the main reason because it is sometimes difficult to configure wifi on linux [I had configured it on my laptop, but it stopped working some time back after ubuntu sent in some updates] – and i did not want my family members to enjoy wifi while i connect to the net using wires. (a bit selfish on me, but thats the way i am).

After the wiring, the waiting started – for the engineers to turn up, install the device and start the broadband connection. Everyday i used to call up the salu, but nothing happened. Then i asked him about the engineers’ no and called up the engineer. Next day the guys turned up and it took them 3 hours to get the net up and running – they had to do some setting from their backend which took a lot of time due to lack of coordination.

Anyways, finally I have broadband in place and i have been downloading tons of softwares on it. Will start downloading music and videos as well. The speed is very good – at least better than what i used to get on reliance aircard.

Softwareism

Chandrababuism

You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad .

Jayalalithaism
You have two cows. You teach them to cry,”Ammaaaaaaa…”
and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism
You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew .
.
Gandhism
You have two cows. But you drink goat’s milk.

Indiraism
You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism
You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them.

Rajnikantism
You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth.

Sardarism
You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism: (Ultimate….)
Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them.
1 .. First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)

2 .. Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)

3 .. Then prepare how to milk them (Design)

4 .. Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)

5 .. Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)

6 .. If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)

8 .. Redo step 4

9 .. At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)

10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)

11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.

12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls

13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)

14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)

15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk

16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue)

17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.

18. Client is happy???

By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk.
(The software got old and get ready for next release
repeat from step 1) !!!!